Toddler troubles: the picky eater.

Toddlers. Toddlers have an impeccable and effortless ability to be so incredibly loved and yet make parents question why they ever had children in the first place. And all of this within the course of 3 minutes or less! While the frustrations may be many, one of the most common sources of contention between parents and toddlers surrounds food. 

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters. It seems like either their taste preferences change on a daily basis or they never change. Ever. One day strawberries are the most delicious food on the planet and the next day they act like you are trying to poison them. Or perhaps, your child will only eat honey nut cheerios, peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off, clementine oranges, and grilled cheese. In that order. Every. Single. Day. 

What is a parent to do??

What about the dream of providing a nutritious meals complete with all of the vitamins, protein, and fats your child needs to thrive and grow? 

And what happened to your precious little baby who LOVED every bite of the delicious carrots, green peas, and apricots you would feed them? 

The thing about toddlers is that they essentially function like cavemen. We refined adults have developed a frontal lobe in our brains, which allows us to be rational decision makers - to recognize that even if we don’t Love a food, it is important that we eat it anyhow for the better health of our bodies. Toddlers, however, are lacking this ability. Underdeveloped frontal lobe = low level rational decision making. Toddlers live very much in the moment. What is good now is good and everything else is well, Not. 

Apply this idea to food. If a food appeals to them that day, yum! The more the better. If not, you might as well give it all to the dog (who will certainly appreciate every bite!) To most adults, it seems there is nothing particularly rational behind any of this toddlerness, just moment to moment decision making which appears completely arbitrary. Throw in a little sleep deprivation and then things really get fun! 

Imagine being inside the toddler brain. Every day, there are so many new stimuli, so much to learn and experience. It can be very overwhelming. To balance some of this seeming chaos, most toddlers thrive on routines. Life is predictable on a schedule. If life flows in a routine way it makes sorting through all of the novel stimuli a more simple task. For some toddlers, this applies to food as well. Trying a new food is yet another new experience and your kid may have a limit to newness. If they have to make brain space to try a new food, this may result in an exchange for their willingness to draw a new picture or walk through a new building without a complete meltdown. 

Keeping these ideas in mind, my approach to toddlers is twofold: 

First, think of toddler eating as overall intake over the course of a week, not a day. Some days are going to be successes and others, well, not so much. Perhaps your little caveman only picks at a few cheerios one day and another day eats everything in sight. Overall, if you are able to get all of the food groups in to some degree over the course of a week, you win. And, so does your toddler, even if she doesn’t appreciate it yet.  

Second, continue to offer new foods. Some days your toddler may be up for the challenge. Even on those days when white foods are the only ones that make it into their mouth, don’t despair. Remember, your child’s brain today may be full, but tomorrow could be ready for a new culinary experience. Even adults value comfort foods on stressful day. What better than your mother’s homemade lasagna when life gets rough? 

And one more thing, it is never too early to cultivate the importance of sitting down to a family meal. You can, in fact, expect your children, of any age, to sit together for a meal and talk to each other. 

Step one is for you to prioritize this activity. 

Step two is to prepare a meal—or have one delivered! If you have some picky eaters, just make sure that there is at least one food everyone will like so you can avoid fighting about food and potentially ruining your time together. 

Step three is to collect your family and have them sit around the table. 

Step four is to eat.

Step five is to talk to each other. This is a perfect time to share about your day or laugh about family memories.  

Even if a sit down family meal is not realistic on a daily basis, making this a priority at least once per week will certainly help to make your family unit more connected. And don’t forget - NO electronic devices allowed! 

Take a deep breath, try to not to stress and even more, pick your battles. Food does not have to be one of them. And don’t forget, your child will not be a toddler forever and their taste buds will change and mature. Continuing to offer new foods will allow your toddler to experience these new flavors when ready and is much more likely to result in eventually adding a larger variety of foods to their palate over time.