It’s your life: Be intentional

Cancer is a pretty crazy thing. In the simplest of explanations, a single cell went rogue, evaded my natural defense systems designed to clean up damaged DNA, and ultimately multiplied a million more times until it turned into a tumor determined to take me down. Impressive, really. Impressive how this one single mistake in my DNA replication waged a war inside of me. Our bodies replace 330 billion, yes, that’s right, billion with a B, of our cells each day. So maybe, for a different viewpoint, it is even more impressive that we can make it through many decades of life without a single cell making an undetected mistake.

I know that this was a random act, yet this has also become a forced reality check – a moment in time that demands a pause and challenges me to determine whether I will rise up, or be a victim.

This is a time of so much uncertainty – uncertainty around the choice of chemotherapy, uncertainty if these toxic drugs are going to work and what unpleasant and potentially life-altering side effects will accompany them, uncertainty around the efficacy of surgery, uncertainty of what life will look like after I “complete” this round of treatment, and perhaps most of all, uncertainty that will come with each future “cancer check” to see if this cancer, or a new one, has returned or emerged.

However, beyond the reality of coming face to face with the potential of my own mortality and complication profile from treatment, this intense level of unplanned uncertainty has also forced me to spend some time deliberately reflecting on this current version of ME and what I do, in fact, have control over. Yes, I am referring to that infamous life question: What am I doing and what am I supposed to be doing?  

For the purposes of my internal dialogue around this conversation, I have asked myself to reflect on what is important to me and ask if the ways that I spend my time and the choices I make reflect my life goals? Am I truly prioritizing the things that are meaningful in my life and that I derive real value from? Am I in the driver’s seat or have I become a passive character in my life allowing the environment and circumstances around me to dictate what happens next?

While, in part, this conversation is about embracing the moment and doing the things each day that bring me joy, it is even more so a frame-shift to focus on being intentional. Intentionality may be the most important life priority, and ultimately what leads us down the path to purpose.   

I fully intend to conquer this disease. I do believe that there is a full life on the other side and I am going to grow old with my family – just as I have always intended. As such, the focus is not so much on simply enjoying the days that I have left. It is more about living a life that brings me meaning, living a life that makes me proud of my accomplishments, and living a life where I am in charge of what happens next because I have been intentional about the choices I make. Will there be surprises and unexpected twists and turns? Certainly. But, what I have come to embrace is that accepting the status quo is a choice as much as change is also a choice. The best and right path is not necessarily the one with the least amount of friction.

To myself, and thus to you I say: Be objective and be honest. Take a look at your life and ask yourself, am I being intentional? Are the choices I am making each day furthering my life in the direction that I want it to go? Or am I just letting life happen?  Am I paralyzed and afraid to make a change and by default living a less-than-fulfilling life, for little reason other than it is the easier path, the path of least resistance?  

Change can be scary. Owning and taking responsibility for your life choices is intimidating. It is true that you never really know what is on the other side of that choice – and what happens if you choose wrong? Frankly, it’s simple:  you make another intentional choice and continue doing so until you have cultivated the life that is right for you, not one that others have created for you.

With all of this in mind, let me share a few considerations I have taken myself and now pose to you:

1)    Read the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown. He makes a very strong argument for ridding your life of those things that aren’t essential to your happiness and points out that our expectations of ourselves to others is actually much greater than what others actually expect of us. The expectation is that you will do what you say you will do, not that you will say yes to everything. When an ask does not fit into your core values, don’t do it.  

2)    To this end, you must set boundaries and learn to say, “no”. You do not have to be all things to all people nor do you have to do all things for all people who ask. Many of us are so-called “Yes people”. We are helpers. We say yes to nearly all requests, often at the detriment of our time and sanity. We feel guilty or selfish. However, when we are spread too thin we are, by definition, not spending our time on the things that are most important to us and likewise doing only a partially good job at all things rather than a great job at the things we care most about. Try it. Say no to at least 1 request today that doesn’t fit your core values and see what happens. You will be pleasantly surprised.

3)    Accept that there are three types of people in your life. 1) People who are “energy drains,” 2) people who are neutral, and 3) people who are “energy fountains” and fill you with value. Stop for a moment and reflect on your relationships. Consider the impact of each. Does the person add value to your life, support your goals, and inspire you to better yourself – or – does the person drain your energy and lead to resistance that forces interference in achieving your goals? If you are honest with yourself, it will not be difficult to sort people into one of these three categories. If you engage in and surround yourself with people who suck energy and detract from your goals and meaning in your life, stop engaging. It’s time to shed that extra weight. Imagine self-selecting your community and only allowing people into your world that move you forward. Imagine surrounding yourself with people who inspire you and believe in your goals. Imagine no longer carrying the dead weight of negativity or even mere apathy. Isn’t it glorious?

Getting started on the road to intentionality can begin today. You will not necessarily wake up a new person tomorrow, but reframing your mind and the “how and why” behind how you approach each decision can begin now. Change is your choice. Being intentional is your choice. And remember, consistent effort and incremental progress is much better than waiting to make a change perfectly! In other words, no need to wait for a major life-altering disease to seize this moment to reassess your life. Trust me, that is extremely overrated. The time really is now. Ready, Go!